What women want in bed

Of course you don't understand women. Sometimes they can't even explain themselves. But often their secrets are universal, like these 25 things she wishes you knew.

1. "Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do.
-Esha Girgilani, 35

2. I love sex. With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is filthier than you might think.
-Nanki Mangal, 26

3. Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world.
-Tanisha Biglani, 25

4. Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fi ne," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours."
-Diksha Menon, 42

5. Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal.
-Bhavani Sharma, 32

6. Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them.
-Shoma Chakraborty, 23

7. Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark.
-Shenaz Mirza, 45

8. I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it.
-Anahita Balasubramanium, 35

9. I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know anything about football.)
-Neesha Singh, 30

10. Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love.
-Nikky Singh, 50

11. I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, go back to #8.
-Pritika Rana, 24

12. I read your horoscope every day after I've read mine.
-Ranjani Ghosh, 25

13. Here's how to fix what you're doing wrong in bed: When you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster.
-Pritishtha Dohal, 27

14. I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us Mr and Mrs.
-Aarti Jinani, 25

15. Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while.
-Gazal Somaiah, 26

16. Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours.
-Ina Chopra, 33

17. A little jealousy is good if no kneecaps are broken and you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance is perfect.
-Nitika Bijli, 32

18. I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that.
-Aprajita Mohanty, 48

19. I can, will, and do fake it. Like when Sex and the City or True Blood is starting. Would you rather I fake a headache?
-Tanvi Kedia, 25

20. You are irresistible: Freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, suited, reading the business section, DIY-ing...
-Kriti Gupta, 27

21. Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share absolutely everything, including that and your worst habits.
-Manamee Bir, 22

22. I'll probably be late-because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason.
-Poonam Bhalla, 31

23. If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had.
-Priyanka Choudhary, 31

24. I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's only your fantasy. Sincerely sorry.
-Yukti Arora, 26

25. I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with.
-Aditi Nair, 48

Secrets of Womens desire

Finally you have taken plunge. The big leap of faith. We mean the C word. Commitment. Enjoy the moment, celebrate it. But does long-term commitment kill romantic love, as a recent scientific paper suggested? Does it have to? Or can we rediscover passion?

Look to science for answers. Today, we have pelvic MRIs and thermal imaging of the thighs. We have the new science of sexual psychophysiology to help us become better lovers. Now we can piece together a plan that appeals to both a man's quest for understanding and his need for action. And buddy, if none of this stuff works, at least she'll know you tried.

1 Send a meeting request
As you round the half-year point in a relationship, spontaneous sex-the kind you had behind that bush on your fifth-date picnic- now happens only in movies. Why? Because you're both busy with work and commuting, and besides, there are tweets to follow! And also because, well, women have different sex drives than men do. You knew it. But did you know about the bonobos?

In a recent Canadian study, researchers showed men and women a wild variety of video clips: Men and women engaging in heterosexual and homosexual acts, men and women masturbating, and bonobos-a type of ape- making wild monkey love. While the videos played, researchers measured participants' arousal using photo plethysmographs- gauges that monitor the swelling of the penis and the engorgement in the vagina. The viewers also rated their own arousal by adjusting a virtual gauge.

The men's results were straightforward: Their erections matched their self-reported arousal. But the women were a different story. The straight women said they were turned on by men, the lesbians by women- and neither by the apes. But the probes in the women's vaginas revealed arousal by all the sexual images, animal and otherwise. So women can be physically aroused without their minds noticing.

That result dovetails with a new model of female sexual response that goes something like this: A woman's desire to have sex may kick in only after she's physically aroused. Sounds like a catch-22, but you can make this work. According to Gurgaon-based psychiatrist Dr Vinita Malhotra Jha, a woman's motivations for sex are complex and include emotional closeness and boosting well-being.

Mumbai based psychiatrist and sex counsellor Dr Rajan Bhonsle says: "It helps men and women know that it's okay to start sex without the primal physical attraction. It's about putting other things in place-emotional intimacy, willingness, stimulation and then the desire will come. A woman needs to feel respected, valued and romanced by a man before she has intercourse with him."

So put those things in place: Set a date and time, establish that sense of well-being (dishes done?) and emotional closeness ("Tell me more . . ."), and sex happens. Waiting for spontaneity can take forever.

2 Play handball
Here's a scientific finding that shouldn't surprise any guy who's ever watched beach volleyball: Elite female athletes have better clitoral blood flow and better sexual function than sedentary women do. Turkish researchers reported this in a recent issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine after studying 25 professional volleyball and handball players, and 25 non-athletic women.

The women allowed their clitoral blood flow to be measured by Doppler ultrasonography. The athletes had higher levels of nether-region blood flow. This shows that fitness correlates with better sexual function and satisfaction, the researchers say. (See Tell her she's beautiful.) Exercise helps in other ways, too. At the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin, a group of women visited on two different days. One day they watched a travel documentary followed by an erotic film.

Another day they exercised for 20 minutes on a treadmill and then watched another travel/porn double feature. Scientists who measured the women's vaginal bloodflow during the two films found that their sexual arousal was 150 per cent higher on the day they exercised. Exercise activates the sympathetic nervous system, preparing the body in some way for a sexual response. "Then when put in a sexual situation", says Dr Bhonsle, "Their bodies respond more quickly and intensely. This doesn't mean you drag your partner to the gym if she doesn't want to go. Any quality time spent together helps build a better relationship."

So exercise together. Watch soppy movies together. Whatever you do, ditch the travel docus (unless there are bonobos there).